Supercharge Conversations To Create Trust & Rapport
Supercharge Your Conversations To Create Trust
[00:00:00]
How would you feel if every single time you knew exactly what to say to every single person and you weren't afraid to say it. How would that feel?
You want them to love you and trust you. That's how you become influential. When you have influence, recruiting up ain't no thing! And you can create that. You don't have to build it for years upon years if you [00:03:00] play your cards right. And the last piece of that puzzle is your productive conversations.
If you were saying more than your prospect, you are losing. Did you hear me? [00:05:00]
You have to allow the dance to take place.
Listen, that's interesting and I appreciate your honesty. I don't tend to get that reaction very often. So I'm curious when you agreed to watch the video, what were you hoping to see?
They don't know you. You will not have influence on somebody if they don't trust you. And you can't get, you can't gain trust if you're sandwiching the process into two steps. You can't. So you have to, it's a little dance. You're dropping little breadcrumbs. It's a conversation. It's supposed to be.
Doesn't mean it has to be long. But give them a chance to breathe. And when you combine great posture with a really good understanding of that position, you're going to fill your pipeline. You almost won't be able to stop it. And really, truly, conversation is an art and a science, but you can learn it.[00:07:00]
5 biggest mistakes in conversation
[00:08:00] These are the biggest mistakes. Just five. Okay. Number one, not having enough of them.
I don't know how many times I've had leaders tell me in the past when I've complained. Nobody's responding. You're like you're not talking to enough people. And I'm like, Oh, that is gross. How rude of you to say that to me. Really? I get on the, how many times I know, but you know what? The only reason the leader is going to have that kind of posture and tell you that is because they have been through the suck and they know how many conversations it's going to take for you to finally get out of your head.
Number two, spending too much time building rapport. It's not about building reports, it's about creating it. Oh, you can create it in about 10 seconds. But this is really important because you can create rapport.
The third thing is having pointless conversations that lead to nowhere. You're a therapist. You've become a psychiatrist. You're not getting paid for it. You're doing it for free. And [00:11:00] do you think these people are actually going to purchase your product or build a business? Don't do that to yourself. Oh my gosh, please.
Number four you became a servant to the people. You became a servant to the people. That means you have to put them on your shoulders, raise them above you and celebrate their wins, not yours. Okay.
Number five. Every single one of us has totally vomited on our best friends. And this is what's happening. And I just tried this new product. It's amazing. And it's just that's what it went on for five minutes. I didn't even breathe. And what does she do? Nothing! I could hear her breathing on the other end when I finished. It took her about 10 seconds. She's Hey, let me think about it, and I'll get back with you.
I totally made it about me. I had no idea what her needs were. I didn't even know what was going on in her life. That's why these mistakes are really important. You have to be aware of them and you have to cut them out.
[00:13:00] When you have no evidence that somebody might be interested in what you have and you tell them anyway, you're spamming them.
And if you want to write down the word lead, like an acronym L E A D, this will make it super simple for you to understand. L of lead stands for listen. Listen more than you talk. Listen to what they tell you. Repeat it back to them to let them know you heard them conversation skill. Okay. So listen, for example, if somebody, if some, if you ask somebody a leading question and you say,
- Hey, what do you do for a living?
- I'm a teacher. I've been a teacher in the math department for 27 years. [00:16:00]
- Wow, you've been an educator for 15 years? I can only imagine the stories you could tell. I bet you've been a real gift to your students. It takes a really special person to sew into kids and give them a sense of their value and potential. People's lives have been changed because of mentorship from good educators like you. That's awesome. You must really love it.
Edify your prospects, edify yourself, edify your team, edify your family, edify your friends.
If you learn to edify humans, you will have the most beautiful connections with people. You will be trusted, you will be respected, and you will create influence. almost overnight. I'm not kidding. Learn how to edify. So that just basically means, let them know you hear them. Let them know they're super awesome and be specific as to why don't give people platitudes.
You're so great. Yeah, be specific as to why [00:18:00]
And I'm gonna use the voice clip option.
A is ask. Ask open ended questions that give them a chance to share their thoughts, their opinions, their experiences.
Share with me. What have you used in the past that yielded results for you? Nicole gave that example earlier because she uses it a lot. I'm asking them a question. She's asking them a question that they actually need to speak to respond. Some of you are just saying use have you tried anything like this before?
And they're like, no.[00:20:00]
And then you're like that's great. Now, where do I go? It's because you're asking closed ended questions. They don't need to elaborate. Opinions! Yes, they need to give their opinions and people, trust me, everyone's favorite topic is themselves.
D in lead is deliver, listen, edify, ask deliver the solution to the problem they have.
Hey what's yielded you results in the past? I tried this and it didn't really work. And then my friend gave me this other thing. I bought this thing off Amazon. Oh my God, girlfriend. If you knew how many things I bought off Amazon that didn't work, this is what they will start telling you. They will tell you everything. [00:21:00] And then you're like, oh my goodness you're serious, man.
Listen, based on what you're telling me, I think you may benefit from what I've been using to help me X, Y, Z, help me achieve those results.
I think you might want to take a look at what I'm doing to make a little extra money online from my phone might not be for you, but it's really helped me to X, Y, Zed, happy to share if you're open to it. If not totally cool. No worries. Is that helpful? Boom. We got a bit of strategy for you. I'm so excited about strategy.
Create connection to build trust. Trust is everything. Trust, okay, trust is 50 percent of it. Respect is the other 50.
Hey, not sure if you noticed me stalking your profile today, but I had to reach out and let you know how amazing I think you are.
I saw that post about [00:22:00] XYZ and I lost so hard. I almost fell off my chair. You made my day. Thank you.
What do you think I'm going to say next?
The messages that we send people to edify them when we don't know them, we find them on social media and we see something amazing and we're like,
Hey, I've been stalking your page. You probably noticed you're amazing. Your content's really awesome.
And you're just super genuine and how you express that.
I have to ask you, I'd kick myself if I didn't, are you monetizing what you're doing here? Because your content's A1. So if you're not, we need to have a conversation. [00:28:00]
Transitions, writing them down, pen and paper. Here's what we're gonna do next.
So tell me a bit about yourself.
Based on what you're telling me
because you're experiencing X, Y, Z, I suggest
Hey, by the way, that's another great transition.
Tell me more about that.
Tell me more. Tell me more.
so the number one thing is to match and mirror. [00:31:00] .
So the other thing is use language that matches their sensory style
So for example, visual people will say things like, look at, I see, I can picture that. Imagine. That's really clear. So they're using [00:32:00] those visual words. So use them back. So you can say to them, Hey, I want you to picture something for me. Hey, just take a quick look at this video. I want you to see what this can do for you.
I want to make sure this is crystal clear for you.
So somebody who is auditory, they will say things like, I hear you. Yeah, I'm listening.
Can you say that again? Does that resonate with you? I say that a lot. Does that resonate with you? How does that sound? So you're going to use that back to them. Hey, listen, this is what we can do next. Does that sound good? Auditory. And somebody who is kinesthetic, they're using touchy feely language, right?
They're saying, I feel you. I'm struggling to grasp that. Hold or warm. Any of those kinds of things? Am I getting warmer? How many questions do you have for me? And then you answer the question. Are we getting warmer? Kinesthetic language. That's really going to connect you to somebody who uses touchy feely language.
4 conversation types
the struggler, a complainer, the ghoster, [00:41:00] the string cheeser, and the indecisive.
The struggler is the one Nicole talked about, who's, basically treating you like a psychiatrist and laying down on your couch and just like telling you a litany of all the things that's wrong in their life.
Hey, sounds like you've had a lot going on lately. That must be really tough for you. The good news is there are ways for you to start turning that around. And I'm super excited to share more about that with you.
If they don't respond well to this message and they go right back to their litany, then you have somebody who you're going to be dragging around the business day in, day out, and you're going to burn out. I would just, be kind to them, but I wouldn't take that conversation through to a sign up.
[00:42:00]
So ghosters are people who just stop responding for no reason and they make you feel really bad about yourself because you feel like you did something wrong or you're a big loser.
Hey, making sure you saw my last message or drop a gif to use humor. [00:43:00]
The string cheeser. This is the person who strings you along. And gives you every cheesy excuse in the book.
Hey, no worries. Sounds like the timing may be a little off for you at the moment. So I'm going to go ahead and scratch off my list for now. I'll check back in down the road, but feel free to reach out if your situation changes.
And then what I'm going to do is drip on them.
The indecisive. This is the last one. This one can, there's a lot of different [00:45:00] types of people, but these are really, predominant ones.
I totally get where you're coming from. I understand why you might feel that way.
[00:46:00]
listen, I get it. Sometimes it's tough to make a decision one way or the other. I encourage you to take all the time you need. I'm curious though, if you don't do this, what other way can you achieve X, Y, Z? How else are you going to make this happen for you if you don't do this? I'm just curious.
[00:00:00]
How would you feel if every single time you knew exactly what to say to every single person and you weren't afraid to say it. How would that feel?
You want them to love you and trust you. That's how you become influential. When you have influence, recruiting up ain't no thing! And you can create that. You don't have to build it for years upon years if you [00:03:00] play your cards right. And the last piece of that puzzle is your productive conversations.
If you were saying more than your prospect, you are losing. Did you hear me? [00:05:00]
You have to allow the dance to take place.
Listen, that's interesting and I appreciate your honesty. I don't tend to get that reaction very often. So I'm curious when you agreed to watch the video, what were you hoping to see?
They don't know you. You will not have influence on somebody if they don't trust you. And you can't get, you can't gain trust if you're sandwiching the process into two steps. You can't. So you have to, it's a little dance. You're dropping little breadcrumbs. It's a conversation. It's supposed to be.
Doesn't mean it has to be long. But give them a chance to breathe. And when you combine great posture with a really good understanding of that position, you're going to fill your pipeline. You almost won't be able to stop it. And really, truly, conversation is an art and a science, but you can learn it.[00:07:00]
5 biggest mistakes in conversation
[00:08:00] These are the biggest mistakes. Just five. Okay. Number one, not having enough of them.
I don't know how many times I've had leaders tell me in the past when I've complained. Nobody's responding. You're like you're not talking to enough people. And I'm like, Oh, that is gross. How rude of you to say that to me. Really? I get on the, how many times I know, but you know what? The only reason the leader is going to have that kind of posture and tell you that is because they have been through the suck and they know how many conversations it's going to take for you to finally get out of your head.
Number two, spending too much time building rapport. It's not about building reports, it's about creating it. Oh, you can create it in about 10 seconds. But this is really important because you can create rapport.
The third thing is having pointless conversations that lead to nowhere. You're a therapist. You've become a psychiatrist. You're not getting paid for it. You're doing it for free. And [00:11:00] do you think these people are actually going to purchase your product or build a business? Don't do that to yourself. Oh my gosh, please.
Number four you became a servant to the people. You became a servant to the people. That means you have to put them on your shoulders, raise them above you and celebrate their wins, not yours. Okay.
Number five. Every single one of us has totally vomited on our best friends. And this is what's happening. And I just tried this new product. It's amazing. And it's just that's what it went on for five minutes. I didn't even breathe. And what does she do? Nothing! I could hear her breathing on the other end when I finished. It took her about 10 seconds. She's Hey, let me think about it, and I'll get back with you.
I totally made it about me. I had no idea what her needs were. I didn't even know what was going on in her life. That's why these mistakes are really important. You have to be aware of them and you have to cut them out.
[00:13:00] When you have no evidence that somebody might be interested in what you have and you tell them anyway, you're spamming them.
And if you want to write down the word lead, like an acronym L E A D, this will make it super simple for you to understand. L of lead stands for listen. Listen more than you talk. Listen to what they tell you. Repeat it back to them to let them know you heard them conversation skill. Okay. So listen, for example, if somebody, if some, if you ask somebody a leading question and you say,
- Hey, what do you do for a living?
- I'm a teacher. I've been a teacher in the math department for 27 years. [00:16:00]
- Wow, you've been an educator for 15 years? I can only imagine the stories you could tell. I bet you've been a real gift to your students. It takes a really special person to sew into kids and give them a sense of their value and potential. People's lives have been changed because of mentorship from good educators like you. That's awesome. You must really love it.
Edify your prospects, edify yourself, edify your team, edify your family, edify your friends.
If you learn to edify humans, you will have the most beautiful connections with people. You will be trusted, you will be respected, and you will create influence. almost overnight. I'm not kidding. Learn how to edify. So that just basically means, let them know you hear them. Let them know they're super awesome and be specific as to why don't give people platitudes.
You're so great. Yeah, be specific as to why [00:18:00]
And I'm gonna use the voice clip option.
A is ask. Ask open ended questions that give them a chance to share their thoughts, their opinions, their experiences.
Share with me. What have you used in the past that yielded results for you? Nicole gave that example earlier because she uses it a lot. I'm asking them a question. She's asking them a question that they actually need to speak to respond. Some of you are just saying use have you tried anything like this before?
And they're like, no.[00:20:00]
And then you're like that's great. Now, where do I go? It's because you're asking closed ended questions. They don't need to elaborate. Opinions! Yes, they need to give their opinions and people, trust me, everyone's favorite topic is themselves.
D in lead is deliver, listen, edify, ask deliver the solution to the problem they have.
Hey what's yielded you results in the past? I tried this and it didn't really work. And then my friend gave me this other thing. I bought this thing off Amazon. Oh my God, girlfriend. If you knew how many things I bought off Amazon that didn't work, this is what they will start telling you. They will tell you everything. [00:21:00] And then you're like, oh my goodness you're serious, man.
Listen, based on what you're telling me, I think you may benefit from what I've been using to help me X, Y, Z, help me achieve those results.
I think you might want to take a look at what I'm doing to make a little extra money online from my phone might not be for you, but it's really helped me to X, Y, Zed, happy to share if you're open to it. If not totally cool. No worries. Is that helpful? Boom. We got a bit of strategy for you. I'm so excited about strategy.
Create connection to build trust. Trust is everything. Trust, okay, trust is 50 percent of it. Respect is the other 50.
Hey, not sure if you noticed me stalking your profile today, but I had to reach out and let you know how amazing I think you are.
I saw that post about [00:22:00] XYZ and I lost so hard. I almost fell off my chair. You made my day. Thank you.
What do you think I'm going to say next?
The messages that we send people to edify them when we don't know them, we find them on social media and we see something amazing and we're like,
Hey, I've been stalking your page. You probably noticed you're amazing. Your content's really awesome.
And you're just super genuine and how you express that.
I have to ask you, I'd kick myself if I didn't, are you monetizing what you're doing here? Because your content's A1. So if you're not, we need to have a conversation. [00:28:00]
Transitions, writing them down, pen and paper. Here's what we're gonna do next.
So tell me a bit about yourself.
Based on what you're telling me
because you're experiencing X, Y, Z, I suggest
Hey, by the way, that's another great transition.
Tell me more about that.
Tell me more. Tell me more.
so the number one thing is to match and mirror. [00:31:00] .
So the other thing is use language that matches their sensory style
So for example, visual people will say things like, look at, I see, I can picture that. Imagine. That's really clear. So they're using [00:32:00] those visual words. So use them back. So you can say to them, Hey, I want you to picture something for me. Hey, just take a quick look at this video. I want you to see what this can do for you.
I want to make sure this is crystal clear for you.
So somebody who is auditory, they will say things like, I hear you. Yeah, I'm listening.
Can you say that again? Does that resonate with you? I say that a lot. Does that resonate with you? How does that sound? So you're going to use that back to them. Hey, listen, this is what we can do next. Does that sound good? Auditory. And somebody who is kinesthetic, they're using touchy feely language, right?
They're saying, I feel you. I'm struggling to grasp that. Hold or warm. Any of those kinds of things? Am I getting warmer? How many questions do you have for me? And then you answer the question. Are we getting warmer? Kinesthetic language. That's really going to connect you to somebody who uses touchy feely language.
4 conversation types
the struggler, a complainer, the ghoster, [00:41:00] the string cheeser, and the indecisive.
The struggler is the one Nicole talked about, who's, basically treating you like a psychiatrist and laying down on your couch and just like telling you a litany of all the things that's wrong in their life.
Hey, sounds like you've had a lot going on lately. That must be really tough for you. The good news is there are ways for you to start turning that around. And I'm super excited to share more about that with you.
If they don't respond well to this message and they go right back to their litany, then you have somebody who you're going to be dragging around the business day in, day out, and you're going to burn out. I would just, be kind to them, but I wouldn't take that conversation through to a sign up.
[00:42:00]
So ghosters are people who just stop responding for no reason and they make you feel really bad about yourself because you feel like you did something wrong or you're a big loser.
Hey, making sure you saw my last message or drop a gif to use humor. [00:43:00]
The string cheeser. This is the person who strings you along. And gives you every cheesy excuse in the book.
Hey, no worries. Sounds like the timing may be a little off for you at the moment. So I'm going to go ahead and scratch off my list for now. I'll check back in down the road, but feel free to reach out if your situation changes.
And then what I'm going to do is drip on them.
The indecisive. This is the last one. This one can, there's a lot of different [00:45:00] types of people, but these are really, predominant ones.
I totally get where you're coming from. I understand why you might feel that way.
[00:46:00]
listen, I get it. Sometimes it's tough to make a decision one way or the other. I encourage you to take all the time you need. I'm curious though, if you don't do this, what other way can you achieve X, Y, Z? How else are you going to make this happen for you if you don't do this? I'm just curious.